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President Trump, in executive order number 13842, entitled “Immigrant Deportation Is OK, Totally!” today declared that henceforth, it will be illegal to yearn to breathe free.
The order (known informally as “I.D.I.O.T.”) applies not only to huddled masses, but also to tired, poor, wretched refuse, homeless, tempest-tost [sic], Muslims, and Latin Americans....

Scientists have created an embryo that contains both human and pig cells.  Nicknamed "Donald'' by the team of white-lab-coat-wearing ghoulish tinkerers, the embryo is said to have tiny hands and a fat head.
"It's incredibly sensitive - over-sensitive, I'd say - to the slightest stimulus," said team leader Dr. Mary Richards. "Other than that, it just seems like a regular pig, mostly."...

DALLAS - Judge Reinhold was arrested Thursday on charges of disorderly conduct. He was involved in a fracas with security agents at Dallas Love Field airport. Some witnesses say it wasn't a fracas at all, but merely a kerfuffle. Others called it a ruckus...

President-elect Donald Trump held a press conference today to hail Fidel Castro, deceased leader of Cuba, as a "sincere and reliable friend of Russia - I mean America." Reporters were puzzled that his lips weren't synchronized with his words, and that...