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Theonion.com news digest

  • 1 day

    Who Is Trump’s Chief Of Staff Susie Wiles?

    President-elect Donald Trump has announced that campaign co-chair Susie Wiles will serve as his White House chief of staff. The Onion takes a look at the political strategist’s background and credentials.
    Favorite Meeting Time: 10:45 a.m.
    Eyes: Soulless but not yet dead...

  • 1 day

    Disney Wedding Kid-Free

    ANAHEIM, CA—Saying the couple wanted to minimize disruptions while they celebrated their love of American animation and each other, area bride Rachel DaSilva told reporters Friday that her Disney wedding would be kid-free. “Josh and I are so excited...

  • 1 day

    John Krasinski Named People’s Sexiest Man Alive

    The Office star John Krasinski received the title of People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2024, taking the mantle from last year’s honoree Patrick Dempsey. What do you think?
    “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. He still needs to be confirmed by the Senate.”...

  • 1 day

    Office Shooter Too Grossed Out To Kick Down Door Of Lactation Room

    CLEVELAND—Stalled in a panic after his planned rampage hit an unexpected snag, area office shooter Zachary Carter was reportedly too grossed out Friday to kick down the door of his workplace’s lactation room. “Oh God, yuck—I feel like I can smell the...

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Web host: Automattic, Inc
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Updated: October 14, 2024
Expires: March 22, 2027
Created: March 21, 1995

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