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RAINIER, OR — Sea lions have taken over the public dock in the small river city of Rainier. And that can mean only one thing. It’s mother fucking time to shoot us some sea lions right in the fucking face (if the liberals will let us)!
Unfortunately, current federal law only permits us to haze these animals, to try and get them to move along, as if it’s somehow kinder to make an animal feel like shit just for existing than it is to fucking shoot it right in the fucking face....

PORTLAND, OR — The social media community is in mourning, as one of this newspaper’s own contributors, Jess E. Hadden, has gone into hiding. Two weeks ago, he disappeared from Facebook. Now, he’s disappeared from Twitter — and nobody knows how to reach...

ARTISANAL PRESS — Mens rea, Latin for “guilty mind,” pertains to a precept of due process stating that a person who committed a crime must realize that they actually were committing a crime, in order to be held responsible for it. The full Latin maxim...

ARTISANAL PRESS — If you’re in the doghouse this Valentine’s Day, then don’t feel too badly. This year, as it turns out, you’ll have some bluechip companionship with you. That’s because of social media fall-out over Google’s decidedly insensitive “Go...