a beautiful mess

in the summer of '22, I was single and thriving. i remember camping with a girlfriend -  we were so happy about how awesome everything was. i loved my career, i was traveling to places i never thought i would see, making bank, and somewhat healed from...

wow, i've had this blog since 2009. yes, i barely write in it.
but also, i have written in it almost annually.
the other day my new boyfriend (a lot more about him later!) asked me what i wanted to be when i was little, and i answered, "lawyer", but then i remembered when I was still living on the farm, oh yea i like writing....

I wrote this on reddit and got some nice comments.
You find it difficult to identify emotionally unavailable people in the beginning because they are on their best behaviour. And that honeymoon period is just amazing.
Then once you make your first request, he shuts down. You wonder if it is your fault or a communication issue. Whatever, it’s just a blip in the bliss....

My friend started seeing a counsellor and brought us a question that he brought to her:  What did you need most as a kid and didn't get?
My emotional and psychological needs were not met:
My sister would threaten to kill me, throw knives at me, push me down the stairs etc. I was forced to lie to my parents that that knife that was thrown at the door was me. and they would believe me when I really wished they knew the truth. When I told...