Inept Owl

Washington, DC— In a televised statement today, President Obama declared that he only wants to get a little involved in Iraq. The speech included a plea to the American people, insisting it will just be once and it’ll just be “a couple air strikes.”...

A few of the many men whose DNA was probably on Catherine Eddowes’ shawl.
After 126 years, the mystery of the enigmatic Jack the Ripper may be solved as DNA evidence has been found that could be the serial killer’s. Or it could just be male DNA on the clothing of a prostitute....

J.B. Forbes/MCT/Zuma
Ferguson, MO— Today, St. Louis County Police Chief Jon Belmar stood before reporters to announce his solidarity with the cause of police officers to defend themselves against the ever-increasing threat of unarmed black teenagers.
The announcement comes in the wake of a recent assault by 18-year-old Michael Brown on officer Darren Wilson. During their encounter, Brown had brandished upraised arms at the officer. Wilson defended himself as best he could with his Barretta, the only...

Beit Hanoun, Gaza— A group of Birthright tour-goers ended their ten-day excursion to Israel yesterday, soaking up the sun and snapping photos of the ruins of Beit Hanoun, a new tourist destination installed by the Israeli Defense Force. For many of these...