LEHI, UT — Sources report 16-year-old Jimmy Clusterfield has begun his fourth attempt at precisely reading the prayer for the water portion of the sacrament, after completely botching it up three times in a row.
“I’m not judging or anything but I don’t think God would allow a worthy priesthood holder to screw up so bad so many times,” Sister Jemima Carlisle told reporters while desperately trying to focus on how the atonement was a blessing in her life despite...

MIAMI—Continually struggling with the issue for years, telling her son that she respects his decision to be gay, and even reluctantly attending her son’s wedding to his boyfriend Adam Eastman, area mother Ashley Smith is still waiting for her son to...

KAYSVILLE, UT — Area mom Cindy Howard unofficially lifted her lifetime ban on bad words by telling her dog to “shut up” at family dinner last Sunday.
“It was weird, but not that weird,” said daughter Jenny. “She was so against ‘shut up’ for years but we all thought it was stupid. It makes sense that she doesn’t care anymore.”...

San Diego — Frequent beach-walker Jeffrey Sanderson looked back on his life and noticed it was his own footprints in the sand during his most challenging tribulations, not the Lord’s footprints as he had previously believed.
“I noticed the distinctive sole print of my size 10 green and blue clog-style Crocks. I knew the Lamb of God would never leave His house wearing Crocks.”...