FuNnY jOkEs

A woman buys a lottery ticket for a dollar. She wins the lottery and goes to the counter to claim her winnings. The man behind the counter verifies the woman's ticket number and she says: I want my $20 million. Where is it?
The man behind the counter replies: No, ma'am. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years....

Lori, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
Doctor, you must help me, she pleaded. It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week....

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him: Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!...

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note from my girl, Don't eat me.
Now there's an empty plate and a note, Don't tell me what to do.